Tuesday, November 9, 2010

New York, New York by way of Walla Walla

This special post is to offer you some free writing tips. Writing is kind of in my job description, so you'd think that I'd be somewhat good at it - though that skill is obviously not evident in this blog. Thanks for nothing University of Phoenix.

Our tip today deals things we all say and write but don't really realize it: redundancies.

Redundancies happen to be one of my pet issues, so much so that I get facial tics and Tourette’s each time one is uttered.

I've been writing them down as I hear them for years now. With this blog I have a reason for doing it. It is now my priviledge to educate my huge following out there (shout out to you four, you know who you are). I’ll even add an example for each to help you guide you.

After reading these, you too will be tormented by them. Better start eating Ritalin like M&Ms after that.

OK…let’s start with my favorite: Free Gift. You hear this one all the time.
“Hey man, I want you to have this gift.”
“Very cool. Thanks.”
“You bet. Give me thirteen dollars.”

Let’s continue.

Advance warning – literally a warning about a warning

Reduce it down – “I reduced this copy up to 7,000%.”

Armed gunman – The gunman, wielding a stolen policeman's pen, forced the hostages to play Jeopardy for their lives.

Ask the question – Similar to “riddle me this”

ATM Machine, PIN Number – 99% of people do not know what either of those abbreviations stand for, obviously.

Blend together – I have tried for years to blend together Reese’s with chocolate and peanut butter.

Close proximity – Look this shit up people. They mean the same damn thing. “Proximity” = CLOSE

Connect together – “Tyson connected together with a left to the temple of Creed and down goes Frazier.”

Two twins – fuuuuuuuuck

None at all - "Not even none a little bit?"

Protest against – I protest against my best favorite all the time

Repeat again – Did you not hear my initial repeat?

Rise up – The congregation rose up to their knees

Tuna fish – “I have a snake reptile that gets the farts something wicked bad after he eats tuna fish.”

Alright, that’s full enough of this caca shit. You get the photographic picture.

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